When did it end up like this?
by Diisonance
Summary: Shikamaru and Temari were just friends, nothing more, with a certain twist. Though that all ended.. leaving her confused, hurt and just stuck having to look over her feelings towards the crybaby. First fanfic, with a bit of cursing and depressing goodness.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so.. roleplaying a shit load of ShikaTema, one being rather.. depressing putting me in this mood. Pft. You know who you are. Cow. ily. Anyway, between being in a ShikaTema mood of goodness and.. not studying for my exam in two days, well one day now I finally wrote my first fanfic, and it's awful. Plus there's probably a heap of grammer/spelling issues because I'm a fail writer. But yeah, I don't know.. I'll probably continue this. At some point. During exams maybe. No promises. **

* * *

It had been a mutual agreement, nothing more, nothing less. They were just 'helping' each other out until someone else came along... That was all it was. But why? Why did it have to hurt so much? The fact that he had someone else... But, he never really had her either? They were just friends with benefits. Fuck buddies, nothing more then that.

She wasn't attached to the Nara. There was just no way she, Temari of the sand, the cruelest kunoichi could be attached to that crybaby. It just wasn't possible, for her to get attached, that wasn't part of their agreement. Just their friendship with a bit of sex on the side.. no feelings attached on the side. So why on earth was this bothering her so much?

* * *

_"Okay, first things first, crybaby.. before we actually do anything. This... This is not 'making love,' no feelings involved. Just plain sex."_

_"Yeah, yeah. I got it already troublesome woma-"_

_"Ugh, shut up. That's such a turn off you know."_

_"You shut up and let me finish."_

_"... Fine. Hurry up or I'll just go find a mute to fuck."_

_"Yeah.. right. Just sex. Still friends. I got it, now 'help' me out, woman."_

* * *

She wouldn't lie. First time they had sex, crybaby had no idea what he was doing.. Sloppy and uncoordinated.. overall just not exactly enjoyable. But, she couldn't complain to much, what did she expect from a virgin. She couldn't help but feel pleased, that she'd taught him nearly everything. But hell that time he'd brought his jitsu into it, that was a first. Though... Knowing that he had someone else to please, someone else to cry out and moan his name in those intimate moments... Only feed that small pang of jealousy in her gut.

Growling and cursing up a storm as she paced her bedroom, it had been almost three days since he'd left. He'd be back to his other woman... No. There was never an 'other' woman to begin with. She was never his woman in the first place.

* * *

_"Temari..?" He said, something.. different about his tone of voice with the way he called her name. None of that, need, annoyance or just plain laziness about it._

_"Mm? What is it lazy?" She questioned, eyes glancing up at him from her drink, head tilted to the side a little as she looked at him curiously._

_"We.. We need to talk." She didn't like the way he said it, or that serious expression. She knew something was strange about his visit this time. There had been no warning.. hell, normally she was the one that had to go to Konoha. She just.. didn't like this or where it was going._

* * *

She was so right.. She hated the words that followed, nothing made her feel so defeated, so.. unneeded. So why the fuck did this effect her so much?

There were no feelings. She did not have feelings for Shikamaru Nara other then the friendship they had. There was just nothing more. The only feelings of love and affection she held were towards her brothers.. She might have had a little tiny soft spot towards Shikamaru, after watching that whole scene all those years back.. Saving him from that pink haired bitch. But there was nothing more, he was only her friend... Nothing more.

Swearing loudly as she lashed out, her poor unfortunate wall taking the brunt of her confused mass of feelings, generally being converting to anger. She couldn't help it, defence mechanism, at least that's what she'd call it. She refused to show any emotion that she linked with weakness... Though right now all she wanted to do was just break down, give in to her stubborn views.

Wincing at the impact her fist made, glaring at the fist sized hole she'd left ignoring the throbbing pain. Why? Why was this so fucking confusing. How upset she was that he'd called it off, much less for some other woman. "Fuck everything." Hissing as she turned, slumping against the wall pulling at her hair in frustration as she slide down to the ground.

Sighing, as she let her head fall back against the wall, lost and confused. .. Alone. He was gone.. She'd never get to see him in those intimate moments again, no those moments were someone else's now.

* * *

_"There's.. someone back home in Konoha.. I'm falling for them Temari. We can't do this any more." He muttered, his eyes on her the whole time. Wishing that he didn't say those words, that he was going to laugh and tell her he was kidding. That he would just.. look away to leave her._

_Swallowing hard, having to regain her composure, that hard shell that she never had to put up around him quickly surfacing. Why..? She'd never felt to need to 'hide' from him. Not until now... "Oh. Well, it was fun while it lasted right? Guess I'll just have to find some other boy toy then.." But, the idea.. of someone else being able to touch her she'd allowed him repulsed her. Just the thought of him being with someone else repulsed her.._

* * *

Her legs shifting, wrapping her arms around them to hold them to her chest. A string of curses that would put any sailor to shame passing from her lips as she pressed her forehead against her knees. Why? Why was this thing bothering her so fucking much? Why should it? She didn't.. She didn't care about him..

He'd be happy with who ever this bitch was, hell she didn't even stop to find out who it was that had the strategist so.. smitten. Shouldn't it be enough though, to know that he'd be happy with someone who would be able to give him so much more then she could?

...

She didn't care. She couldn't fucking care. It just.. didn't work. Refusing to believe otherwise, her body slowly starting to tremble as she held back the tears threatening in her eyes. She wouldn't cry about this, she was Temari, she didn't cry over anything, over anyone. Especially not.. him. Not when there was nothing there.

She.. didn't... She didn't love him. There wasn't.. it just wasn't possible. There had to be a more reasonable explanation for this. She was not attached emotionally in anyway, not to anyone.

Still, the tears threatened, they loomed.. They defeated her, that stupid weakness overcoming her stubborn refusal to cry. Silent sobs raking her body as she bite down harshly on her lower lip, hard enough to taste blood. She.. cared for him. But, it was too late. What was the point? He'd moved on, he would never touch her like that again, look at her with that lust filled gaze... That was all reserved for someone else. Not her, not again.

It hurt. That stupid, useless muscle in her chest. God, what she would give to rip it out and stomp it into the ground.

Hugging onto her legs tightly, in a pathetic attempt to keep herself together. She couldn't cry out, not when her brothers were downstairs, she wouldn't let this defeat her any. But.. She lo- No, cared for him.. hell not even that. She just.. tolerated him, more then anyone else. With his stupid lazy ass habits, cloud watching.. smoking after they'd fucked as much as she hated the habit, though he'd always take it outside. Then there was that one time she'd tried it, hated it like a bitch, but.. she had tried it, the first time she'd ended up holding onto him, clutching at him...

She had loved him, and all his stupid habits.. everything, small soft whimpers passing her lips as she finally gave up. Letting the tears flow, it felt like they would never end, maybe the price for never letting herself go since her mother passed? But she couldn't.. There was no way Kankuro or Gaara could have seen her like this, she was the eldest.. she had to look after them. But now, she just wanted someone.. to take care of her for a change.

She had loved him, she did love him, the first person outside of her close knitted family she'd shown a measly bit of affection towards. But realising too late. She'd already lost him, she never had a chance.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Took me a while to get this out, all these different idea's of where I could end up taking this... Still developing it somewhat, god I have being so indecisive sometimes. But yes, I'm hoping to finish this through to the end cause of reasons and feels and just.. fjlsdfkldsf. Ahem, anyway it is a little short. Because I'm lazy, but big idea's for the next update. Hopefully that includes a better chapter with better writing just in general. |D**

* * *

Emotions.

Emotions were just stupid, pathetic completely useless things. Never in her lifetime would she have thought that she _Temari, _the cruelest kunoichi end up falling in love, and to the likes of Nara making it so much worse.

She hated him so much, for doing this to her, for the fact she didn't realise that she.. loved him until she lost him. But, she never truly had him in the first place did she? She hated.. everything that she liked about him, all his flaws and good points. Everything. How much of a lousy cook he was, serving her what was originally bacon, though it resembled charcoal so much more. His damned cancer sticks, lecturing him each time he pulled them out, how god damned handsome and gentlemen like he was.

No one else.. ever treated her with the same level of respect and care he did. Suprisingly gentle for a man, at least from her views and experience with the other sex. Just.. ugh. She hated the fact that she loved him so much.

Stupid fucking emotions and feelings and.. just her heart. What she would give to be able to just rip the aching muscle out of her chest and be done with it. She was never meant to fall for _anyone._ She was a tool for her village, thing more. So why did he end up stealing her heart, most likely unknowingly.

She hated that she loved him. That's all there was to it, the fact she wouldn't be able to act on those emotions. Or even.. touch him in those intimate moments again. Even if they had a chance to.. be together, as more then fuck buddies, if he didn't have some other woman in his life.. Would they really be able to leave their respective villages for each other. She could bare the thought of ever leaving her brothers.. And the young Nara was far to great an assest to his village as a stratigest, and his friends and family.

Stupid Shikamaru. This was all his fault, that she was left here confused, hurt, more alone then she'd felt before. What it would be like, if they did get to have that chance together, pining after him like some love sick idiot. What it would be like, to have someone take care of her for a change. She was always the one.. that looked after her brothers and everyone else.

God damn these feelings, fucking Shikamaru! Why did she have to go and fall for him?

* * *

_"Temari this is the fourth mission in ten days. Don't you think you're pushing yourself a bit much?" She hated the concern in the younger red heads eyes. Her brothers had no reason to worry.. she was just keeping herself occupied. So her mind wouldn't dwell on the issue at hand._

_Scoffing and rolling her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. Not wanting anyone to know.. about these stupid feelings she harboured for Nara. It was her problem, why should she involve anyone else? "Are you trying to suggest I can't take care of myself, _Kazekage-sama?"_ The formalities causing the others brow to furrow._

* * *

After.. a somewhat winded debate she got what she wanted. Though why she was given a mission to Konoha of all places, she could guess. Damn brothers and all their little observations, they had to know what ever was up with her had to go back to the hidden leaf.. Plus the fact this so called message for the Hokage was something that could have been sent my messanger hawk.

She hoped, she wouldn't run into him. Afraid she'd end up blurting out all her feelings in an instant, that he'd notice the change in her.. Though there was another part that wanted nothing more then to run into him. Just to see him again, pretend like nothing had changed between them.

The three day journey seemed more like an eternity to the blonde. Making her way up to the gates going through the usual paperwork, handing over her passport and the rest of it. Would she end up running into him? She was only staying here the night.. so there couldn't be any need for an escort right? Still confused over whether or not she _wanted _to be seeing him, on his own.. maybe just.. maybe. But with this woman of his, not so much. It hurt bad enough, she didn't need any more reason to literally rip out her heart did she?

Though as she turned around to walk to the Hokage complex so she could just hide in her given room until early the next morning to leave for Suna once more so she could then demand yet another, non-Konoha, related mission she just had to spot him. That damned crybaby pineapple head, and he just had to notice her aswell.

Groaning a little as he lifted a hand lazily, a piss-poor effort of a wave as he walked towards her. "Hey, Troublesome woman.."

Great. Just.. great. What could possibly go wrong now.


End file.
